Learning and Growing

I’ve learned something this weekend. I’ve learned that you can never rely on anyone to be there for you. Because when it comes down to it no matter how many times someone tells you they will always be there for you, they won’t. And that my lovelies is the cold, hard truth.

This weekend, I had a friend tell me I needed to be less sad when I talked to her.

Here’s the thing. I am not optimistic when it comes to myself. Other people, yeah I can be as encouraging as you need me to be. But when it comes to me, I am a pessimistic person. I am not especially happy and bright, or perky. And I am working on that.

But when I can’t tell you how I really am we aren’t friends. I cannot be around people who won’t be there for me when I know I will always be there for you. Always.

I’ve been having issues with myself lately.

That guy friend I have has ignored me since that one Saturday. And I didn’t even know if I want to be around him at that point. I honest to goodness didn’t know if I could be friends with him if this is what was going to happen.

But I’ve come to terms as of recently about how I’m going to handle this. I’ve decided that I am willing to work for this relationship, even as friends. And I am willing to put in time for him. But he needs to show he’s willing to work too.

He’s a very broken person. I know this. He’s moody, and he just doesn’t care most of the time. He can be cruel and mean. But at the same time talking to him can be so healing for me. And I want to help him get himself together. I want to be someone who can make him happier. And I want to be someone he cares about. So if he’s willing to put in the work and show a littlest hint that he cares about talking to me and keeping me around then I will gladly work for it.

Because he makes me happy. Very happy. I love how I can talk to him about anything, and when he cares about someone he cares a lot. And it’s beautiful. And when he’s happy he spreads it around and makes everyone else happy too and it’s amazing. And he’s creative that’s for sure. And smart and athletic and yeah I think he’s cute.

I guess for now it’s up to him as to wether or not we’ll keep talking.

Farewell for now