With Words

So I’m back with words now.

He told me that he was pranking me and my friend was in on it. I was mad at both of them.

And I’m crying now as I write this because my reaction was less than exemplary to say the least.

Okay you have to understand this about me.

I have trust issues due to a toxic friendship that went on for nine years and in its own way continues until today. So if I trust you and you break it I won’t trust you for a long time afterwards.

So I told that to my friend, both of them actually, and also how one of the biggest ways to hurt me is to lie to me. That is one of the ways that if you wanted to stab me through the heart that is how you do it.

And my friend, not the one I have a crush on got super defensive about how it was a joke, and I shouldn’t be so upset.

The one I have a crush on was being quite calm but still going along the lines of it was a joke and I shouldn’t be so hurt.

And I know I may have overreacted a bit, but I still don’t think that telling me that you’re in Hawaii, and got a girlfriend, and for two or three days letting me cry and yet still be strong and supportive, (though of course he didn’t know that part), and then laugh about it later when I trusted you whole heartedly, is something they should’ve done.

I do honestly think she is blaming too much on me because I could’ve and should’ve handled it differently, but this is not something I will allow myself to be blamed for. I will accept responsibility when it’s mine, but other wise no. I should’ve made it known to both of them I have trust issues, and that lying isn’t okay with me, and I should’ve handled the situation differently. But the fact that the situation happened is not to blame on me.

Anyway I have to sleep now, or at least pretend to so Farewell for now