Hello

I have been so thrown off lately, due to a series of events that hit me very hard. But the most important part of me that has recently overtaken me in multiple ways is my loneliness. The common definition is the feeling of being alone. For me though, loneliness merely means the feeling of being detached from the world and other people.

Most people would say at this point, “but those are the same things! Feeling alone and feeling detached from the world! They’re simply the same thing!” Let me sure you. They aren’t. See I am not alone. I rarely am. I have enough friends for me to be satisfied, and I have a family that’s together and loves each other. But I still feel detached.

It’s hard to get close with my friends because either they go to a different school, or we don’t have a ton of classes together. It just feels very distant these days. They all have their own lives to get to, and many of them are getting boyfriends, or at the very least guys who are interested in them. I am very glad they have their own lives I just don’t feel as if I can really talk to them anymore as much as I should be able to. And I have a relatively normal family, but we are also very distant. For example, I love my family and of course see them every day but I don’t think I could tell you any of theirs favorite colors without completely guessing.

I really do hope I’m not sounding like a brat in this but this is something that’s been hurting me a lot lately. I have a cousin named (for purpose of anonymous characters) Elizabeth. She goes to my school and she’s amazing. Now for the purpose of this story you must know about Cute Guy, as he’s known to my friends. I liked him all of last school year and I thought he was so nice and sweet. Then this year came and I tried and I tried to not like him but as you may know feelings don’t just stop.

Yesterday night, I was at McDonalds with a different cousin, let’s call her Kaci, (Elizabeth is our mutual cousin) , and she brought up the dance. And she was so excited because turns out Elizabeth is going to the dance with Cute Guy, and they have a “thing” whatever that is.

Im kind of heartbroken. There isn’t a lot to say. I’ve just been so sad about everything lately I don’t even know if I want to go to the dance. All my church friends (I’m a Christian) were telling me how sadness is a spirit and not to listen to it and it drove me insane. Maybe some feelings aren’t a choice Rebecca. Wish me luck!

Farewell for now.